i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You left your phone here
Wait...
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