I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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