I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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