I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
