this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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