this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
