hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
