Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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