i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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