I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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