got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
