oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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