i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
