It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
