Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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