Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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