Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
