Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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