hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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