I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
