before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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