then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
