god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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