member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
