The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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