Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
