So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
