can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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