two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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