I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
