i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
