dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
