all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
