When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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