I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
