the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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