The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
