Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
