I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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