She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize