I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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