his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
