WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
