Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
