you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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