All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
