I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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