she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
