I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
