Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
