So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
