Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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