I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
