Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
