You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
