Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
