Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
