so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
