ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
