I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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