you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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