My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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