No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
