What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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