Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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