Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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