There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
