That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
