don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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