I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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