Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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