if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
