When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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