you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
